


Even With Broken Wings

by FirePony16



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 3+1 kind of thing, Anxiety, Bucky Barnes Feels, Friendship, Gen, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, POV Second Person, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Steve Rogers Feels, unless you imagine the new characters there or something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 10:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4016293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FirePony16/pseuds/FirePony16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>One thing you have discovered is that Steve is different from before.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s not that he used to be 90 pounds and asthmatic. </em>
</p>
<p><em>No, you remember ending fights that were too much for him to handle on his own. Brushing dust off his jacket and giving him the extra handkerchief that you always carried around to wipe the blood off his face.</em><br/>~<br/>Bucky discovers Steve’s new anxiety about water from being frozen for 70 years.</p>
<p>Kind of a 3+1 thing</p>
<p>(Not A2: AOU compliant)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even With Broken Wings

**Author's Note:**

> For this story, Bucky rejoined Steve in November of 2014. In 2015, they start living in the tower. I started writing this before the second Avengers movie came out so it’s not Age of Ultron compliment and contains no spoilers.
> 
> Title from the song Anastacia - [Broken Wings](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt0_XPM0KKs)
> 
> Extra special thanks to Elioma who is a wonderful beta!!!

It’s late autumn when you find Steve sketching in a Brooklyn park.

He is sitting on a park bench, his drawing pad in his lap. He hasn't noticed you or the young girl, who walks past him, asking her mother why Captain America doesn’t always carry his shield with him. You wonder what Steve is drawing. Probably something from memory based on the fact Steve has not looked up at all in the time that you have been leaning against the tree.

His hair is a little longer than it had been months ago in DC but not by much. He’s overdressed for the cool weather with a thick tan jacket and another poking out beneath. You don’t wonder why he’s so bundled up; you’ve heard about his time in the Arctic ice.

You’re wearing quite a few layers as well. Double of pants, shirts, and jackets, most of which you were given by a Wilmington shelter in Pennsylvania last week. You slept in an abandoned building the last two nights. The cold had stung, too much of a harsh reminder of the icy sleep.

You shove your hands deeper in the pockets of your dark blue jacket and walk over.

As you near, Steve looks up and smiles that smile that’s as warm as the sun when he sees you.

You manage a little smile of your own.

-

It’s mid-winter when Tony Stark finally convinces Steve over the phone about moving into the tower with the rest of the Avengers while you sit beside him, listening as you eat your breakfast.

“You guys are the last ones, Cap,” you hear Stark say from Steve’s cellphone. His voice is a bit hoarse from talking for a straight hour about why Steve and you should move into the tower. Something along the lines of shooting competitions with Hawkeye and sparring with Black Widow and Thor.

You had been surprised when Stark had expressed wanting you living in the tower too. You figured he wouldn’t have wanted you around since he discovered Hydra had played a part in his parents’ car accident. It’s still isn’t known if you were Hydra’s pawn during 1991.

When Steve sighs and glances at you, you think you’re why he has been saying no, that you wouldn’t be able to handle it yet. He has trouble reining in his overprotectiveness for your well-being. When it’s too much, you go sit on the roof and think about how once it was you who was overprotective of Steve.

As you pour more orange juice in your glass, you nod at him. Steve could use more friends around him.

‘You sure?’ he mouths back with a little frown. His cell sits on the counter on speaker, a plate of unfinished breakfast beside it. You’re still picking at yours. The metal panels of your arm shift and click.

‘No,’ you think. It’s quiet here in this Brooklyn apartment. It has become familiar and almost comfortable. Steve says that it’s just a couple blocks down from where you both used to live in the 40s.

But you think Stark’s tower could become familiar and comfortable too. At least it would be safer.

-

You have been living in the tower with Steve and the rest of the team since March. At first, you rarely left the floor that had been given to you and Steve, but you have slowly worked your way up to having breakfast at the communal floor with the others.

You watch Steve help Bruce cook breakfast for the team and you don’t understand why every time you grab a banana out of the fruit bowl to add to your plate, Steve will replace it with some other kind. Not even your scariest Winter Soldier glare stops him. It makes Bruce laugh and Natasha smirk.

“Trust me, Buck, they’re not like they used to be,” Steve says with a nostalgic sigh as he replaces the banana with an orange this time. You cave this once but you replace the orange with an apple out of spite as you start thinking about all the things that are different now.

But you don’t ponder that for long when Tony starts poking at the metal panels of your arm. He had promised to check on a malfunction near the wrist after he’s had his second cup of coffee. Steve had vowed to stay by your side in case it triggers something. Raising an eyebrow at Tony and pulling out a knife to cut the apple gets Tony to rethink his timing. Bruce distracts him more with what Steve calls ‘science talk.’

Natasha is on your right peeling the orange you had put back. She rolls her eyes at something Clint has said between his bites of toast. She has been helping you a lot, showing you how to be human again. Helping you overcome the ocean of red in your ledger.

Thor, Rhodey, and Sam are seated at the table exchanging stories. Sam is telling them about his first time flying and how he had run into a car during his first time landing. You smile when Thor and Rhodey grimace with empathy and you wonder what they have run into while flying.

Clint is sitting on the counter out of Steve and Bruce’s way and talks about some of the places he’s been – that aren’t classified – with Steve and Natasha. You know he wants to ask about your sniper days during the war but Clint doesn’t know if he should. If your years under Hydra’s control are still too potent to think about your life before you were made into Hydra’s weapon.

Your memories are still an unfinished puzzle. There are pieces you don’t know if you will get back. But you know things sometimes even if you don’t completely remember. But you’re healing, good days out weighing the bad ones.

So you’re different now. As you think about it, little isn’t. Food, music, people.

Hell, _Steve_ is different.

It’s not that he used to be 90 pounds and asthmatic-

No, you remember ending fights that were too much for him to handle on his own. Brushing dust off his jacket and giving him the extra handkerchief that you always carried around to wipe the blood off his face. Steve has told you that it’s how you met as kids. You think you probably didn’t even remember it even before the fall. There were a lot of fights from what you can remember.

You remember waking from the haze to Steve in that blue helmet with a red, white, and blue tin shield on his back. It was just like the one on those comic books that you had never thought much about. Back when you hoped tough little Steve was safe back in Brooklyn.

You remember sitting around a meager fire with Steve and the other commandos. The guys making bets on what kind of canned foods with missing labels that you all had found in a nearby abandoned town earlier that day; while Steve sketched the other Commandos beside you.

You remember the firefight on the train and icy wind as you-

Don’t dwell on the fall.

The difference in Steve isn’t really physical. There is a weight on his shoulders, something beyond the expectations that had been placed upon Captain America since coming out of the ice. You don’t know when it festered into existence. You don’t remember it from before the fall.

-

You realize that you first noticed the difference when Steve had returned from a mission late in the evening during your first week in the tower. He had been shivering and quiet. He hadn’t followed his strict routine of checking on you after he had gotten back.

He had gone straight to his room and hadn’t reappeared for two hours. When he had; his hair was ruffled from being towel dried and his skin was a bit red like he had turned the shower on as hot as it could go. He had put on sweats and a long sleeved shirt despite it being a rather warm April night.

He had reintroduced you to hot chocolate that night and reminisced about summers past.

-

The second time had been when Tony had been showing off the new indoor swimming pool on the floor below the workout room. The others had been excited and amused. Stark had been proud, declaring that there were to be pool parties.

Steve, you had noticed, looked wary.

“Did we use to go swimming a lot as kids?” you had asked him quietly. You both watch as Clint, in purple swim trucks, ‘cannonballs’ off the high board. Tony curses at him for almost splashing him.

The archer only laughs.

“Sometimes. We would during the hottest times in summer. During the war, we went swimming a couple of times.” His tone was fond, his smile was soft.

Thor’s cannonball is successful in soaking Stark.

Natasha, Bruce, and Miss Potts laugh from the lounge chairs by the windows. The three are sunning themselves like cats and uninterested in joining the others. Too much ruckus with Rhodey, Thor, Clint, and Sam now playing a crazy game of water volleyball.

Afterwards, Steve had never shown up at the pool parties. And even though he had encouraged you to go, you had opted to watch movies with him instead.

-

The latest time was during one of those movie days when Sam was over. He and Steve were sorting through Steve’s list of ‘things to watch/lookup’ to pick today’s movie.

“Man, you’ve been knockin this out!” Sam says as you set the freshly made popcorn on the coffee table. You are wondering if it will be enough for you all or if you should make more. “But I wouldn’t recommend watching _Titanic_ for a while.”

“Why?” you ask as you open a beer with your metal hand. You’ve figured that the popcorn you have made will be enough since you usually lose interest it when you get focused on a movie.

Sam grimaces; shooting a sideways glance at Steve who has tensed up and clinched his jaw. You don’t like their reaction; you regret asking now.

“It’s about that ship that hit an iceberg back in 1912,” Steve answers with a shiver, “Lot of people drowned.”

Silence follows and you are starting to understand the difference now.

“How about we watch _The Princess Bride_? Classic, surprised it’s not on your list.”

It takes half the movie before Steve relaxes again.

-

Now, it’s early in the morning in June and Steve has just asked you if you would like to go to the pool while it’s ‘less crowded.’ You doubt anyone else is awake yet.

You nod and follow him downstairs.

You smell the chlorine the second the elevator doors open.

“Can we just sit first?” Steve asks as both of you enter the pool area. His voice echoes off the water. You simply nod, a bit confused.

You both sit at the edge of the pool, dressed in swim trucks. You feel uncomfortable without a shirt to hide your shoulder. But Steve is staring down at the water with a distant expression. He shivers occasionally despite the warmth of the room.

“After I woke up, I had a little trouble with cold water,” Steve says. He leans forward and dips a hand in for a quick moment. “Had nightmares, of course. Of being trapped in the ice again. Of drowning or losing time again.

“Took me a while, but I was eventually able to avoid panic attacks during missions that ended with me unexpectedly soaked. Was even able to land in the ocean for one of my missions that involved a ship.” He laughs bitterly. He is sitting cross legged beside you but you have your feet in the water.

“You back stepped?” you ask as you wiggle your feet a little under the warm water, careful to barely disturb the surface.

You glance at Steve as a wave of shivers passes over him. After they had passed, he speaks again.

“A few months ago Sam helped me during a panic attack during a mission. It was like I had asthma again, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. It was bad, Buck. If he hadn’t been there… We almost lost a lot of people.” He sits rigid while his fingers fiddle with a loose thread. His eyes are distant and his expression grim. “Been talking with Sam ever since. He’s helped me regain ground. He recommended talking it out with others.”

You don’t know what to say so you gently bump your flesh shoulder against his and he does it back. You think he understands that he has your support as you’ve had his when he relaxes a little.

Both of you are quiet as you watch the sun rise through the windows together. There isn’t much that hasn’t changed in some kind of way. Steve is different and you are too. But you are still brothers, on and off the battlefield. To the end of the line, like you both have always said.

On that day, neither of you swim.

But that’s okay.

Maybe someday, one day, you both will.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, had fun experimenting with second person point of view. 
> 
> Also posted on [FF.net ](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1954551/FirePony16).
> 
> My [tumblr](thefirepony.tumblr.com).
> 
> *Sam’s story is a small reference to Anthony Mackie’s story about running into a car during the filming of CA: TWS
> 
> *The banana thing. I couldn’t resist. (The Gros Michel variety of banana went mostly extinct in the 1950s, and was replaced by the Cavendish banana, which was considered at the time to be inferior in taste.) First heard about it when I read [idiopathicsmile](http://archiveofourown.org/users/idiopathicsmile/pseuds/idiopathicsmile)’s wonderful story _[Mistake on the Part of Nature](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1488142)._
> 
> 20 Feb 2016- Wow, so I decided to read this and discovered the copy-and-paste error. It is now fixed.


End file.
